+ what i want this week +


– – –

one of my favorite quotes on love. i used to post this everywhere, and haven’t thought of it in a very long time:

“Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” [c.s. lewis]

– – –

You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”


+ inside of my brain today. +

work. friendships. fashion. dresses. iced caramel macchiato. age of enlightenment. episcopalians. church history. anglican churches. two dimensional beings vs one dimensional beings. purpose of man. core attributes of god. inherancy of meaning to physical creation. deism. founding fathers. the evolution of the judeo-christian’s religion and how to determine the true center. method of choosing belief systems within christianity and the method’s validity. book of genesis. definition of art. cs lewis. spiritual vs physical. how real is reality. influence of language on the development on a human’s mind. til we have faces. erich fromm. socialism. purpose of education. biased motives for education. the concept of balance. raw science vs meaning+science. the basis of reason and what is it derived from. the weight of denominations and church movements and how we determine their weight. how inherant is the drive to create in man and why. family. going back to school. calling mom to apologize. the art of loving. is spiritual is to physical as thought is to action? or is physical action a metaphor for spiritual action and art the physical metaphor for spiritual thought? influence of knowledge on love and of love on knowledge. available time. prioritizing. goals. list of books to read. art show tonight. direction of my art. roommates and where to live this fall. music. comfest. weekend plans. scheduling senior photo shoots. theft claim. my relationship with god. all focuses every year for all years or one focus every year indefinitely. love. my motive for love. the extent of pursuing love; how much weight does it and should it truly have. writing. re-writing lost books? photography style. my brother. how to begin to attempt to organize my life. purchasing a massive bulletin board; where to find it. polaroid film. man’s tendency to elevate one concept above another; our nature to rank and determine value. good vs great and my awareness of both and tendency to settle. the color white. the unnoticed fluidity and frequency of the process of intangible to physical.


+ love, nature, + i hate the all american rejects. +

keep your love of nature, for that is the true way to understand art more and more.[vangogh]

– – –

– – –

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you’re still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

Now where’s your picket fence, love?
And where’s that shiny car?
And did it ever get you far?
You never seemed so tense, love
I’ve never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

And truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I’m lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool, you’re just as well
Hope it gives you hell
I hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you’ll be thinking to yourself,
“Where did it all go wrong?”
But the list goes on and on (and on and on and on)
And truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I’m lying



+ wants. +

i have a feeling that if i was half this organized, i would get twice as much accomplished:

– – –

i want everything this woman makes.

– – –

i also wish i had the time to create installations like eric otto.

man. eric and his blues.

i also love this:

– – –

things like this make me realize how badly i need to start sketching again.


+ the third year. finally. +

one world at a time. [thoreau]

– – –

“this will be the sign for you, daughter:

this year you will eat what grows by itself,

the second year what springs from that.

but in the third year, sow and reap,

you will plant vineyards and you will eat their fruit.”

isaiah 37.30

– – –

he is so true to his promises.

– – –


+ knots. +

i want to be just like him when i grow up.

– – –

also, i’m pretty sure i will marry the next boy that brings me polaroid film, anything to do with antique gold insects, takes me to an old hidden bookstore for the day to read out loud with me, or to an aquarium to sit and talk to the fishies.

– – –

i want to see you drunk,
just so i’ll finally know what you really think of me.

+ today is unfortunate because +

i don’t have the time to be obsessed with what i am fascinated by. and it’s your fault.

i absolutely despise white middle class america, and i’ve realized that’s what i’m surrounded by.

i’m losing irreplaceable parts of my life because you are so despicably selfish.

today i would trade my heart for being as shallow and spoiled as her, because i need a break.

i never genuinely complain, because everytime i have, it’s made things a thousand times worse. ps. screw boys.

i am so god-awful at settling, and i need to get better at it, because i have to right now.

i want things that don’t exist.

i’m pretty sure i made the wrong decision that one time.

i think i ended up a big fish in a little pond, and i fucking hate little ponds.

i don’t care if you say i’m sorry; you can’t fix what you don’t understand.

i’m about 97.4% sure i will never be home.

dad, if you find this, don’t even bother with the psychoanalysis. and stop assuming you know everything. because you don’t.

i have every right to be bitter some days, and i have got to stop caring that you think i don’t.

i was born in the wrong century in the wrong country.

no one has ever really known me, and only one person ever really tried.

within 12 hours i will want to delete this, but i won’t, because i need a reminder than i’m human, and just as messed up as the next.

i can’t for the life of me figure out why i live where i do.

i need 48 hours to act entirely out of character before i lose my mind.

your life is so easy that i just can’t take you seriously.

i’m not stupid enough to do what i want..

+ try to live forgiven +

we try to live forgiven

but they won’t let us forget.

What is life?
That we think we choose what is ours?
We believe things should go our way.
We are so selfish.
I am so selfish, and yet
I do not know what it is I want.
Where is my love?
Is it lost in the ocean?
Is it alive in a foreign country?
Does a young child,
Cold and bleeding,
Carry what my heart desires?
Am I meant to save the world?
Am I meant to change?
Where is my meaning?
I am the creator,
I have lost my creation.
I will be a valiant knight,
One that will not settle for less.
I wish to fight
Whether I fight for peace,
Or for war.
Where is my army?
Where are my men?
Where is my lady?
What do I love?
Please tell me.
I have no way if I have no love.
I have only shame.
I want more.

my brother.


+ best things.+

best things i’ve seen today, as of 10.08am, are as follows:

– – –

best essay i’ve read recently. the radical idea that children are people by flourish klink.

and to all of you who think twitter is worthless, think again.

www.cultureby.com is pretty great.

– – –
someone needs to tell you that what you’re doing isn’t working.

– – –
i miss shooting with my 50mm 1.8 and natural lighting.
so that’s what i’m gonna do for awhile.

– – –


i’ve spent the greater portion of my morning reading essays from grad students at MIT, posted by henry jenkins (director of the MIT comparative media studies program) on his blog. fascinating.

– – –
you’re the hottest thing since sunburns. .

+ 2/100 and $3 challenge. +

sherrie lynn. 43.
“love is unconditionally giving, just as god has given me.”

[ love + 100 strangers project, 2/100 ]

– – –

the $3 challenge.

so today i was out thrifting with my friend robby, and i decided to do the $3 challenge again. ($3 challenge: to make something hideous look attractive.)

i found this shirt, a tagless size XL from god-knows-where shirt that never in a million years would i have normally purchased. score? yes or no..