LAST GIVEAWAY WINNERS: Winners of the book, We Can’t Go Home Again are: @MeganDutill and Julie from San Diego. Winners of the 2 sets of prints are: @randikayanthony and @laadycakes!

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{+} The Perfect Wife Is Betty Draper. I knew this was false before I got married. I’ve known for awhile now that I am not Betty Draper, nor am I my mother – and no one expects me to be. AND YET, I’ve had to spend so much time dealing with the guilt that slaps me upside the face every time my husband cooks, does the dishes, or washes our towels for me. See that? “For me.” He does it for us. And he’s part of us. There’s no invisible list of Globally Applicable Wife Responsibilities, except for what my husband has personally asked me (and sweetly) to be responsible for. It’s taking a lot of expectation/responsible-for-everything complex undoing to see marriage as, “for us” instead of “for me” or “for him.”

{+}All My Problems Go Away. Very unfortunately, zero of my problems have gone away. Well, one did. I can now complain to a real human being instead of my pillow. It’s (not) funny how we view marriage as what simultaneously makes our life perfect and what ends our life altogether. Life just keeps on going. And I keep having days where I don’t know what I’m doing with it. But thank goodness for that, I think.

{+} Husbands Tell Women What To Do. I half believed this myth in the, “I won’t have to freak out about things anymore” kind of way because, “husbands just have ANSWERS, you know?” I also half believed it in the, “I’ve witnessed zillions of crappy marriages where women are just given instructions and since they have to submit, that’s how it all goes down” kind of way.  Both ways are totally incorrect, it turns out. My husband neither has all the answers, nor does he ever give me instructions or force me to “submit” (to what I don’t know).Except the time I really wanted to buy eyeshadow and he asked me to not buy it till next week so I had to wait. So yeah. Good men don’t tell women what to do. (And good women don’t tell men what to do. Personal reminder.)

{+} Girls Miraculously Transform Into “A WIFE.” I don’t put down my Lauren name-tag and pick up my Wife name-tag. In fact, the more I’ve tried to “be a good wife” instead of being a good version of myself, the more problems we’ve run into. Being a “good wife” projects poor expectations of a relationship status and a relationship role, but being a loving Lauren to a man I’m crazy about? Oh yes. I can do that. ALSO. “Being a wife” takes up a pretty small part of my day, and that’s not a euphemism. Most of my day is still filled with being the exact same person I was as a single person, and I’m still the only person that is 100% responsible for my present and future.

{+} Men Are Sex Addicts. Nah, sex addicts are sex addicts. Men are not sex addicts. They have feelings, thank the LORD, and it turns out I’m the one who wants to pass out after sex and he’s ready to start Day 2 in the same 24 hour period. (I find this hilarious. Just one more thing that Hollywood has gotten all wrong in their gender stereotyping.) Oh, fun fact: 30-40% of married women have higher sex drives than their man – for a season, or permanently. Sorry to keep beating a dead horse (there I go again) but I’m on a personal mission to kill this idea that men are the only creatures who desire or enjoy sex. I just want to hear massive deep sighs of relief from all the girls feeling shame regarding their sex drives, and from all my beloved girlfriends out there who can’t figure out WHAT is wrong with them when they want sex and their husbands aren’t living up to their 24/7 sex machine cultural reputation.

Anyway, now that I think about it, the majority of what the world told me about marriage is…wrong.

My husband doesn’t suck, we aren’t bored with each other yet, I don’t cringe when he grabs my butt in the kitchen, I don’t do all the cooking and cleaning, we both still have a life, I don’t feel trapped, I still have rights to my set of car keys, men haven’t stopped hitting on me in the grocery store, there are still bills to pay for which I am partially responsible, and I still am sort of flailing through my life figuring out what I’m doing.

But, all of this is kind of really nice, because I’m reminded that my relationship with Max is mine. It’s ours. And that makes it so special. It’s not the world’s. It’s not anybody else’s. It’s finally a place where I can close my door and put up my hands and say, YES!  I get to be ME with someone else who loves ME! for the first time ever.

PS. Do any other married women out there not feel married (cue angelic orchestral choir and release the doves) and more feel like….rooming with a hot guy/best friend? In the good way, I mean. Not in the bored with my roommate way.

PPS. What myths have you been de-bunking about marriage, if you’re married? And what do you believe about marriage that you think sounds depressing or terrible, if you’re single?.