Ask A Married Woman: My One-Liner Bites, Round 2.

NOTE: Yesterday I answered 5 questions in one liners HERE. Next month’s topic on is “Ask A Married Woman.” We’ll only be able to answer about 30 of the submitted 200-ish (and in a serious manner, mind you) – so in the meantime, I’m answering some of the rest in quick soundbites. Take a deep sip from your coffee mug and let’s get to my second rare appearance of Snark.

Question 1: Is it better to marry a man with a similar personality or a different personality? A guy and I who have the same Myers-Briggs personality type are close friends – how would our same personality type affect dating? How would dating affect our friendship?

Answer: Chilllllll outttt. Everything affects everything. No one knows the “hows” until they get there. But seriously. Did you secretly con him into taking that personality test in order to scan him for compatibility? If he went with it, you guys will probably be great together.

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Question 2: Were you ever in a situation prior to marriage where someone provided Godly wisdom/advice in telling you that a particular man isn’t the one God has chosen for you but in your heart you believe that he is? This same person also advised earlier that God gave another man to you as your husband but things did not turn out as they had said that “God said”. If it didn’t work out the first time, although it was said to be from God, would you believe it the second time that the one you’re with isn’t the one? There has been prayer upon prayer, scripture upon scripture and blog upon blog concerning this along with much confusion and doubt to the point where I’m not sure what Holy Spirit is speaking to my heart.

Answer: Dang, your friend really wants to tell you how to live your life! God doesn’t arrange marriages and have the betrothal note delivered via a third wheel. Or a Bible verse. Choose what you love and what loves you back. Trust yo’self. (Free Happy Meal Tip/Toy: Hit pause on killing yourself to see if God’s talking about this guy, and see if this guy is talking about God.)

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Question 3: Would you stay with a cheating husband even with the threat of all the STD’s around, even though he put you at risk of all those diseases? – Engaged girl, 24+

Answer: Future bacterial families probably shouldn’t be what you’re worried most about in the engagement period. If you’re trying to find a good excuse to leave him, you had it at “cheating.” Doctors can prescribe an antibiotic, but they can’t fix a lifetime of devastation left in the wake of chronic infidelity.

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Question 4: How can you tell if a guy is interested or if you’re just reading into things?

Answer: My personal recommendation is asking the guy himself, not a woman on the Internet. Men are interactive humans and not books that need to be read.

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Question 5: Do you ever get jealous?

Answer: Naaaah. No one ever told you marriage makes you p*E*r*F*e*C*t?!? With its little marriage-y wand. POOF. Poofy-poof

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Question 6: God gave us sex for babies and bonding. I want both, just not right now. We got married 3 weeks ago, and are still struggling to figure out the bonding part of sex. We have no money for a baby and most importantly are at significant risk of having a long distance marriage for 1-2 years (military). I am so split. I want babies but know that we are not ready – in so many ways. I want to have sex freely with my husband and figure this intimacy stuff out. Being on the birth control pill makes me feel like I am shutting the door on God. I want to just trust in God and let nature take it’s course, but I’m also realistic about the very real set of life circumstances in front of us for the next couple of years. Is using birth control going to jinx us? So glad this is anonymous!

Answer: Well I do know your parents are Catholic, ’cause I can smell the second-hand guilt all the way from my desk. Not to speak for God or anything, but He isn’t waiting for your womanly obedience in pumping out a kid every 9 months. You have the freedom to create your family. There’s no Heavenly Baby Plan that you’re able to ruin. Your life > Your uterus. Condoms are pretty good for sex without babies. Oh, and don’t take the crazy pills. They do nothing for your bonding experience.

To read the first 5 one-liners, click here. To see more of my awesome pet store pictures on Instagram (I can’t have pets in my apartment so the pet store is my second home), you can follow me at @laurennicolelove! Until next time, I’ll be looking for a friend to tell me God said to marry Mark Ruffalo, and Seeking The Lord about His Plans For My Uterus. Sans-jealousy, of course.


Ask A Married Woman: My One-Liner Bites.

DISCLAIMER: Next month’s topic on is “Ask A Married Woman.” We’ve received nearly 200 questions from mostly single women, and unfortunately, only about 25 or 30 of these questions will be answered due to the time constraint. However, they’ll be answered in detail by some wildly gracious and experienced married women in a serious manner. In the meantime, I’m going to be taking some of the questions submitted, and answering them in one-liners. Take a deep sip from your coffee mug and let’s get to my rare appearance of Snark.

Question 1: The church I use to attend taught the young ladies that we shouldn’t “want” to get married and “desiring” marriage was wrong… Even sinful. Our man would be found doing ministry at our same church and serving side by side with them. They would become husband material only if approved by the pastor, otherwise they were not good enough. What would you say to this and breaking free of this mentality? What does it mean to be a spiritual leader and what SHOULD we expect from a man? How do we not set our standards too high, without having none at all?

Answer: Leave the church immediately and sign yourself up for therapy.

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Question 2: How do you deal with being single before you get married?

Answer As in, “how do you deal with your disease” before you find “the cure?”

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Question 3: What are your thoughts on waiting to have children the first year (or three) to bond with your new husband?

Answer: If you want kids right now, you should have them. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t. Stop letting your mother judge you.

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Question 4: Was it easy for you to give up your life to get married?

Answer: If you have to give up your life, you are either doing it wrong, or you don’t know what your life is defined by.

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Question 5: How forward or obvious should you be if you are interested in a guy? Should you let him know you’re interested? Or just wait until he says/does something?”

Answer: If you wait until everything in your life comes to you, you won’t have it. Be confident and go after the guy you like. Even though some people would like you to think this, being a woman doesn’t disqualify you from vocalizing what you want. .