to the body that belongs to lauren nicole: a love letter.

to the body that belongs to lauren nicole: i do call this a love letter, and it is one of love. the problem is, i’m not even at the place where i can tell you why i love you so much yet. i have too much to say i’m sorry for. so, as love requires, an apology.

* * *

dear you,

i need to apologize.

if you were a friend, you would have left this relationship long ago. and honestly? i would have understood. i never say my thanks, i never say i love you, and every gift i’ve given you was just because i wanted to make me to look better. not because i cared about you. i’ve been so unforgivably selfish.

if you were a lover, even the truest of the true, you would have given up on me. i can’t remember the last time i valued you for who you are. on my bad days – and there have been lots of them, you know – i assaulted you. i told you how disappointed i was in you. i listed all the things i hated about you. i made sure to hide you from certain people, because i was embarrassed to be seen with you. i judged you. i stood in front of the mirror and made sure you knew exactly why i hated you so much. and on my good days? our good days? i was content to tell you i wished that i had better – but that you would have to do for now.

now that i think about it, i’ve never treated anyone worse than i have you.

now that i think about it, i’m sorry doesn’t seem to cut it. but i’m going to try. i’m going to finally say everything i should have said long ago.

i’m sorry.

* * *

i’m sorry i’ve treated you like a burden, instead of a gift.

i’m sorry i’ve verbalized every single flaw, instead of finding joy in all of your perfection.

i’m sorry i’ve compared you to every woman i’ve seen, instead of making sure you knew you were loved.

i’m sorry for never thinking you were good enough.

i’m sorry for not defending you to others, and talking shit about you to my closest friends.

i’m sorry for hushing what you’ve wanted, and silencing every valuable thing you’ve wanted me to know.

i’m sorry that i made you an enemy, instead of an ally.

but most of all, i’m sorry that it’s taken me twenty four years to realize that we’re stuck together forever. twenty four years to ever realized i need to say i’m sorry.

* * *

maybe i need to apologize to each tiny piece of you. you’re so intricate and delicate, you know? i know. i know you so well. and i know every tiny piece has been so badly hurt by me.

i’m sorry, feet, for hiding you. it’s been embarrassing how you turn purple sometimes. the kids used to make fun of you, and it hurt my feelings.

i’m sorry, legs, for always telling you that you’re the only thing i’ve got going for me. that’s a lot of weight to carry, and i know i’m setting us up for failure.

i’m sorry, butt, for all the jokes that my parents made about you, and that i accepted them as the truth. i did learn to like you for the last couple years, but this year, it’s been really difficult again. i twist and try to see you in the mirror every day, and i’m sorry for wishing that one morning you’d just be less.

i’m sorry, tummy, for comparing you to photoshop every single day. it’s just so hard, you know? maybe you don’t. it really gets me down every morning. but i promise, i’m trying. i try to remember that one day, you’ll make a baby in there, all by yourself. that’s so beautiful. i’m trying to remember it.

i’m sorry, breasts, for all the things i’ve thought about you, that i won’t repeat again.

i’m sorry, back, for wishing you were better so that i could show you off in those sexy dresses.

i’m sorry, arms, for never getting all those beautiful tattoos i wanted years ago because i thought you were fat, and didn’t want to draw extra attention to you.

i’m sorry, lips, for spending so much money on lip gloss with chemicals that would change you. my husband tells me now that he thinks you’re perfect, and i promise to agree from now on. you really are.

i’m sorry, nose, for despising you since i was so little. i read once that every single woman hates her nose, and it must really suck to be you. i’m really going to work on it.

i’m sorry, eyes, for wishing you were brown my entire life. i don’t know where i got the idea that women with brown eyes are prettier, but you’re so beautiful. i want to let you be that.

* * *

dear everything. i’m so sorry that i have never been grateful.

you’ve done every single thing i’ve ever asked of you – except that one awful 10 mile hike – and i’ve never once said thank you. i only looked at you with disdain and asked why you couldn’t have looked better doing it.

and so, dear everything. dear body. dear self. dear cells that are more countless than the stars in the sky, who give flesh and bone to my soul, i love you.

even now, while i’m sad, while i sit here judging you, hating you, being disappointed by you – know that i’ve finally realized it isn’t you. it’s me.

and i promise to begin to change that.

promise. cross my heart, hope to die.

because we will one day, together, and i want to have lived having loved you. 

* * *

note: more ‘love letter to my body’ pieces can be found at the sheloves syncroblog project..

/ / / / leave love

  1. tam says:

    you are lovely.

  2. Rin says:

    This is so good.
    Wow I’m so mean to my body. I wouldn’t take that trash from anyone.

    • / / / / lauren nicole / / / / says:

      I know. I was shocked when I wrote this. I had never separated “me” from my body before, and now that I did, I cannot believe how harshly I’ve treated it. 🙁

  3. Brooke says:

    This is something most women, myself chief among them, need to say to our bodies. Thank you for posting this. Ya made God proud 🙂

  4. Lakin says:

    thank you for being so honest in your tears and growing love. this is a big battle; i’m so glad we don’t have to do it alone.

  5. Prathipa says:

    I did not see this as an article, i saw it as a lesson to myself, how life can be if we are grateful
    Mesmerizing words …
    It gives me enough learning…to never de grade or insult your self
    I m happy with the way i m made..
    I love myself….
    I m feeling great after reading this master piece…

  6. Priscilla says:


    Oh my gosh!!! I just injured myself by working out….by being idolatrous about how I wanted my body to look. I have been laid up all day as a result. I may be in my family’s wheelchair the next few days if I’m not better soon. I am resolving to trust God and relearn how to love and take care of my body as He would have me do. To listen to Him when He says, “rest” and to let Him modify how I work out and more inportantly, let Him modify and transform my mind where I am concerned.

    I know all about writing and posting tough letters to ourselves. I just posted one yesterday and I was so apprehensive about it!! I learned to love and let go of part of myself through it, though. And I have to admire you for writing and posting your letter. It confirmed where God has me right now. Thanks for sharing!! I sat down tonight to write a blog post about my struggle with my body and I just can’t share it yet….but you’ve given me the idea in how to start loving my body as God created me and loves me. God bless you in your journey!!! Btw, i got some of my inspiration for my last post from reading your modesty post……or rather God used your post to start helping heal some of my wounds…..

    • / / / / lauren nicole / / / / says:

      aw, priscilla, i’ve done that too. 🙁 proud of you for writing a letter to yourself – i’d love to read it if you want to link to it!


      • Priscilla says:

        Here is the link, thanks for reading it!! Also, just so you know, I think you’re beautiful based on your pix!! Absolutely gorgeous!!! What we believe and see about ourselves is a lie, we can see it in others, their beauty, but ours…..God help us!! I am praying for all of us who are going through this!! Also, I loved your comment above about how you saw how harsh you were being to your body when you kind of stepped out of it to love it. Prayers, loves and hugs!!!

      • Priscilla says:

        Dear Lauren, it’s bothered me since yesterday, so I though I’d say something now. I know we both have complexes about our legs, according to your posts. I pray my post didn’t offend you or cause you any pain if you read it and that you understand where I was coming from as a child. And honestly, that phase lasted a very short amount of time. I am continuing to pray for all of us who struggle in this way.

        Oh and by the way, I follow you on Twitter and I saw your self portrait, very pretty!! 

  7. Priscilla says:

    P.S. Every once in awhile, God shows me that I am exactly what I dream I am. I love it!! I need to remember these times when I’m deceived about myself.

  8. Jill says:

    I needed to see and read this tonight. I spent the better part of the day wishing away what I consider all my physical flaws. This is a letter every woman should write and read xo

  9. Yes, yes, yes, my beautiful friend. xo

  10. kristine says:

    this is so strange because most of us probably think that you’re absolutely perfect and we wish we could be YOU

  11. Dan says:

    Wow. What a realisation! It took me until I was thirty to be comfortable in my skin, so you’re well ahead of me. I think we’re both infintely ahead of others, so enjoy your beautiful body, you’ll have a long and happy relationship.

    Maybe you and your body could watch this together. It’s beautiful. You are beautiful. We all are beautiful.

  12. Dan says:
  13. Kaitlin says:

    As a writer, I love how you personified your body & wrote her this letter. Beautiful, emotion-filled words. Thank you for sharing this, Lauren.

  14. i love this so much!! xoxo

  15. Tiffany says:

    This is what I needed to hear today. Thank you Lauren, and thank you Holy Spirit who is speaking to my soul through Lauren. I wouldn’t be reading this, wouldn’t be typing this without my body… I am grateful today.

  16. julie marie says:


  17. Steph says:

    Wow. What a sweet thing to read first thing in the morning!

  18. Lisa says:

    This is such an amazing post with an inspiring message! I’ve noticed that I’ve been hating my body lately and picking apart every body part that could be better. This post reminded me that we need to love ourselves and our bodies. We need to stop being so critical of ourselves!

  19. Sara B says:

    Such a good wake up call. I’ve been learning to “talk nice” to myself the past year or so but this was such a good reminder. I think my body deserves a love letter every now and then 🙂 And you are so beautiful.

  20. Kari Carda says:

    This is beautiful, as are you. What an encouragement to every woman who experiences the same thing every day. Thanks for sharing.

  21. Alice says:

    Hi, Lauren! My daughter’s name is Laura nicole!

    You may like my poetry:

    Hugs, Alice
    (student/undergraduate at 65!)

  22. Paige says:

    I love this! I misread the last sentence and instead in my head read, “because … i will love having lived in you.”
    How true is that? One day, we will die and be eternally grateful for our mortal bodies and see no imperfections in them. How grateful we will be then if we now use our heavenly eyes to see ourselves.

    Sending huge love your way xox

  23. Lauren says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us today! So very beautiful… thinking those words about/to myself makes my heart happy 🙂

  24. Meg says:

    Thank you so much for joining in Lauren. Your letter is stunning. I love that you took the opportunity to get all the apologizing out of the way, and start fresh. Much love to you

  25. Nikki says:

    Thank you. I need to say this to my body more often! One day I won’t have this body, so I gotta smile at the things I got! Thanks Again!

  26. Lg says:


    Words are wholly insufficient to express the joy, camaraderie and i-am-woman-hear-me-roar feeling spilling from my soul at this precise moment. As someone who is recently recovered from an eating disorder (WOO HOO! It feels SO good, SO freeing to be able to say that!!!), this is powerful. So powerful, and I will certainly be writing a letter such as this to myself today. Thank you for all you do.

    You inspire me.
    I admire you so much.

    Thank you.

  27. alyssa says:

    What a wonderful letter. Very honest & brave. I participated in the synchroblog as well & it was such a therapeutic experience! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  28. Anna Brewer says:

    So many girls/women need to do this. And by the way I always thought you were one of my prettiest friends.

  29. Amber Davies says:

    This is beautiful! Thank you 🙂

  30. Absolutely beautiful! Bravo to you for doing this and for putting it out there for all to see! I wish more women would do this! xo

  31. susy says:

    so true. : )

    A while ago, during a conversation we were having, my boyfriend asked me this question. “Do you love yourself?”. I had never, ever, asked myself that question.

    Not having the answer “yes!” spring instinctively to mind was a total shock. But, I had never thought about whether I loved myself or not, before. It just never occurred to me.

    It was remarkably easy to change and find a new answer, Yes. It only took a moment – but what a difference it has made.

  32. Eliza says:

    This is so beautiful and true. Brought tears to my eyes.

  33. Eppie says:

    note from arms – now that that’s out of the way we hope you love us enough not to put in ink that will mar the beauty we’ve been given naturally. That ink gets fuzzy and we hope you have us a long time.
    respect for the One who made you is grand love and polishes the beauty to a lovely sheen
    it reflects the One

  34. Vicki Miles says:

    wow. LOVED this. You have no idea. Opened my eyes to how I’ve been treating my body… AND it was beautiful.

    Thank you 🙂

  35. Ally Ley says:

    Absolutely love this, Lauren! You are so encouraging in your vulnerability. I am thinking of all the shame and hate I’ve slammed my body with for years, and what an exhausting way that is to live…and how it’s possible to live differently.

  36. Tala says:

    wow is all i can really say to this. i never thought about putting myself in a relationship with myself and you’re totally right i would have left myself a long time ago. thanks so much for this it was an inspiration, honestly.


  37. Elizabeth Ulrich says:

    Thank you. I needed to hear this. And if you don’t mind me plagiarizing, I think I need to write a letter to my own body.


  1. […] a blog post the other day from the ever talented Lauryn Dubinsky and it was a love letter…a love letter to her body. It’s an apology for all the degrading things she’s said, all the hurtful things […]

  2. […] Letter Editor’s Note: When Emilie sent this in, she mentioned that she was so affected by the love letter I had written, she wrote one for herself. I’d seen several of them circulating on the Internet for months, […]

  3. […] other day, I came across Lauren Nicole’s love letter to her body and Emilie’s love letter to hers. I wonder if men get this. If they understand that we have to […]

  4. […] also walk alongside some really strong women, and you should read what they have to say about loving themselves. You’ll be happy you did. […]

  5. […] [you can find more posts about body image/love letters to self on the Good Women Project or laurennicolelove.] […]

  6. […] love letter was inspired by this one by Lauren […]

/ / / / / leave love . . .