NOTE: Yesterday I answered 5 questions in one liners HERE. Next month’s topic on GoodWomenProject.com is “Ask A Married Woman.” We’ll only be able to answer about 30 of the submitted 200-ish (and in a serious manner, mind you) – so in the meantime, I’m answering some of the rest in quick soundbites. Take a deep sip from your coffee mug and let’s get to my second rare appearance of Snark.
Question 1: Is it better to marry a man with a similar personality or a different personality? A guy and I who have the same Myers-Briggs personality type are close friends – how would our same personality type affect dating? How would dating affect our friendship?
Answer: Chilllllll outttt. Everything affects everything. No one knows the “hows” until they get there. But seriously. Did you secretly con him into taking that personality test in order to scan him for compatibility? If he went with it, you guys will probably be great together.
Question 2: Were you ever in a situation prior to marriage where someone provided Godly wisdom/advice in telling you that a particular man isn’t the one God has chosen for you but in your heart you believe that he is? This same person also advised earlier that God gave another man to you as your husband but things did not turn out as they had said that “God said”. If it didn’t work out the first time, although it was said to be from God, would you believe it the second time that the one you’re with isn’t the one? There has been prayer upon prayer, scripture upon scripture and blog upon blog concerning this along with much confusion and doubt to the point where I’m not sure what Holy Spirit is speaking to my heart.
Answer: Dang, your friend really wants to tell you how to live your life! God doesn’t arrange marriages and have the betrothal note delivered via a third wheel. Or a Bible verse. Choose what you love and what loves you back. Trust yo’self. (Free Happy Meal Tip/Toy: Hit pause on killing yourself to see if God’s talking about this guy, and see if this guy is talking about God.)
Question 3: Would you stay with a cheating husband even with the threat of all the STD’s around, even though he put you at risk of all those diseases? – Engaged girl, 24+
Answer: Future bacterial families probably shouldn’t be what you’re worried most about in the engagement period. If you’re trying to find a good excuse to leave him, you had it at “cheating.” Doctors can prescribe an antibiotic, but they can’t fix a lifetime of devastation left in the wake of chronic infidelity.
Question 4: How can you tell if a guy is interested or if you’re just reading into things?
Answer: My personal recommendation is asking the guy himself, not a woman on the Internet. Men are interactive humans and not books that need to be read.
Question 5: Do you ever get jealous?
Answer: Naaaah. No one ever told you marriage makes you p*E*r*F*e*C*t?!? With its little marriage-y wand. POOF. Poofy-poof
Question 6: God gave us sex for babies and bonding. I want both, just not right now. We got married 3 weeks ago, and are still struggling to figure out the bonding part of sex. We have no money for a baby and most importantly are at significant risk of having a long distance marriage for 1-2 years (military). I am so split. I want babies but know that we are not ready – in so many ways. I want to have sex freely with my husband and figure this intimacy stuff out. Being on the birth control pill makes me feel like I am shutting the door on God. I want to just trust in God and let nature take it’s course, but I’m also realistic about the very real set of life circumstances in front of us for the next couple of years. Is using birth control going to jinx us? So glad this is anonymous!
Answer: Well I do know your parents are Catholic, ’cause I can smell the second-hand guilt all the way from my desk. Not to speak for God or anything, but He isn’t waiting for your womanly obedience in pumping out a kid every 9 months. You have the freedom to create your family. There’s no Heavenly Baby Plan that you’re able to ruin. Your life > Your uterus. Condoms are pretty good for sex without babies. Oh, and don’t take the crazy pills. They do nothing for your bonding experience.
To read the first 5 one-liners, click here. To see more of my awesome pet store pictures on Instagram (I can’t have pets in my apartment so the pet store is my second home), you can follow me at @laurennicolelove! Until next time, I’ll be looking for a friend to tell me God said to marry Mark Ruffalo, and Seeking The Lord about His Plans For My Uterus. Sans-jealousy, of course.
Questions 1 & 4 just made my day! I am laughing so hard!
I really, really love GWP & respect what you do, but this is a bit snarky, don’t you think?
Single women who trust you with real, honest questions (whether they seem silly to you or not) deserve real, honest answers without the heavy dose of sarcasm, don’t you think?
Oh yes, and we will be having women address a lot of these topics in a very real, honest answer. I’m of the personal opinion that we could all use a heavy dose of lightening up, particularly in the Christian relationship world, so this is just something fun I’m doing. <3
We do take life a little too seriously most of the time and that just causes pain and more drama. I enjoyed the bit of snark, especially the if you are asking the guy and not some person on the internet. I am all for seeking advice but I often wonder how much advice is being sought and how much someone is looking for the advice that matches their intentions. I am glad that there will be broader, deeper looks at these issues though because not everyone has someone personal in their life to ask.
Agreed. On a very serious note, it can be hard to discern who is looking for someone to re-affirm the decision(s) they’ve already made, and who sincerely needs and honest, loving person to discuss something with. I’m really excited for the AMA’s on GWP for this reason.
I agree. This is hurtful and offensive. Having fun and trying to lighten things up at other people’s expense? Not cool. Lauren, you’ve talked about how people’s criticism of you has been hurtful. Please don’t cause other women the same pain.
“Well I do know your parents are Catholic, ’cause I can smell the second-hand guilt all the way from my desk” … to the poor women whose question was answered with this: My parent’s are not Catholic and I have the same struggle. We don’t have to be Catholic to experience this tension.
If you were hurt or offended, I didn’t mean to do that!! And I definitely understand that so many women feel this tension. While I have never felt guilty of messing up God’s plan by using contraception, deciding what method of contraception is a serious issue for just about every single married couple. Have you felt guilty for using contraception in order to enjoy sex with your husband without getting pregnant? I’m fascinated with this topic and would love to talk with you about it more.
Question 2 – I did have a Christian friend tell me she thought I shouldn’t marry the guy I was planning to, at least not yet. I married him anyway because God’s guidance was louder in my head. Fifteen years later still happily married.
Oh and about birth control – condoms are great but I have a condom baby. Love the little surprise we got but as I like to remind myself, God is bigger than a condom, the pill, heck even than a vasectomy. But He also provides for us.
I had Christian friends advise me to not marry my husband Max as well. We’re only about to reach our first anniversary, but it’s looking reaaaaal good so far. Haha.
And yes on the condom babies. They definitely happen. I’m a little worried about it, personally, but the crazy pills just really wreck me so much that it’s worth the risk to me. Each to their own!
I am so not a fan of the crazy pills. 🙂 I find they work really effectively though because I don’t want to have sex. Not really a good solution to the desire to bond.
Oh Lauren!!! This is awesome stuff! “Men are interactive humans…” Max is SO blessed! Hahahaha! Truth with humor!
hahahaha thank you
I would add for the last question about birth control/family planning/intimacy in sex that she and her husband may want to consider using natural family planning (NFP) if condoms or other forms of birth control seem like they are “shutting the door on God.” It also helps women better understand their fertility cycles so they can understand WHEN they are more likely to conceive versus being in the dark when using the pill (because you don’t ovulate). I would also HIGHLY recommend “Taking Charge of Your Fertility,” a trusted book on these issues.
That’s two for the “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” book. We use a combo of NFP and condoms and have had three years of success so far. It’s not for everyone, but we both appreciate the flexibility and independence without the hormones in the “crazy pills”. Love your “lighten up” attitude toward Christian relationships. We seriously need it! 😉
Just want to give another recommendation for Taking Charge of Your Fertility! It is incredibly informative. Learned so much about my body! I have been charting for a few years now and I have been married for a year. We use condoms when I am fertile. So far no baby! Also, if your husband doesn’t like condoms try other brands/sizes. 😉
There are other birth control methods besides condoms or the pill. I would recommend Anonymous talk to her doctor about her options. She may also want to refer to this informative page on b.c. methods.
http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/birth-control-methods.cfm
Add another vote from me for Natural Family Planning / Fertility Awareness Method. Three years and going strong — love it.
Few women are “snarky” to your face.
More often they do it behind your back.
I’d trust the former more than the latter.
Thats just my two cents.
Love these questions AND the answers….so hilarious. It reminds me of how fearful I operate when it comes to the opposite sex. I too quickly want to trust a man with my heart, and too readily forget that Jesus already has it.
And how up tight I can be! Lol.
So. Love. Poofy-poof.
Just seriously, love. There are no other words. (I enjoy this snarkiness very muchly)
Regarding question 1. Myers-briggs is a really helpful tool, but don’t over analyze things. I am INFJ and my husband is INTJ. Only 1 letter difference. Sure we are alike in many many ways, but we are also vastly different. I know without a doubt my husband is the the right man for me. You are already great friends and friendship is an amazing foundation for marriage.
Oh my god Lauren, you crack me up. I sat here dying over number one. Thank you DEAR LORD for lightening up the conversation on these things.
I seriously tried to con people into taking personality tests so I could evaluate their relationship compatibility in high school. I grew out of that when I realized it was CRAZY!!! Sometimes I wonder about my own sanity. 😉
“Poofy poof” was my favorite! The Pill doesn’t make everyone crazy though! My hormones are in perfect harmony now, and it’s awesome.
I second your comments on the Pill. I’ve been on it for nearly a year (married close to 9 months), and so many people said it would kill my sex drive. Definitely hasn’t happened so far! Plus my skin is the best it’s been in like 20 years, so that’s an added bonus. 🙂
oh my goodness gracious, this is too good! pretty sure you should run an advice column for the New Yorker or something:-) Preach it sister! xoxo
P.S. LOVE your space and everything you’ve got going on. Found you through some good friends of mine, those crazy Tour of Sorts peeps:-)
I loooovveeee your website(s) but your Catholic comment really got me. I know you didn’t mean offense, but it definitely came across as harsh. We as Catholics have very good reasons for believing what we do about birth control, and I know I would appreciate a little more respect for my beliefs. I’m still a faithful reader, and I still agree with 98% of what you say, but that irked me enough to say something.
Like Alie, I really like your blog/websites, but the comment about Catholic beliefs around contraception is deeply offensive and hurtful. As a fellow Christian, I’m sure you’ve experienced people belittling you for your beliefs. Even if it’s simply out of lack of understanding, it’s not ok. We need to stick together, and build each other up! This doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll always agree, but it does exclude snarky comments.