HI EVERYONE! I’m a little tired of writing so I’m beginning a new 7 (ish) part video series to answer the very big, very important question, “I just found out my boyfriend is addicted to porn! What do I do?!”
I’m intro-ing the series with this little video below. I wanted to do a bit of an explanation, as well as share some stories of girls who just found out their boyfriends are watching porn, and establish the foundation of the next 6 or 7 videos. If this is an issue you are dealing with, please watch this first one just so we’re all on the same page and know what our perspective and goal is. I’ll be posting them hopefully once or twice a week, so make sure you follow me on Twitter (@laurendubinsky) or Subscribe to my blog via email so you don’t miss them.
Oh, and please pardon that I looked exhausted in this video and kind of sound like a 7 year old. I’m trying really hard to grow up, y’all. I even got married and everything, but I’m still clearly not there yet. 😛
Intro to “My boyfriend is watching porn!” from Lauren Dubinsky on Vimeo.
BOOKS I’LL BE REFERENCING:
Boundaries – Cloud & Townsend
Pure Eyes – Gross & Luff
Living With Your Husbands Secret Wars – Marsha Means
Purchase them for ~$5 at bestbookbuys.com or on Amazon.
Future Videos: (subject to change)
#2 – Emotional Safety & Security
#3 – Becoming Educated About Porn
#4 – Setting Boundaries
#5 – Confronting & Communicating
#6 – Leaving or Staying
#7 – Stories & Resources
LOVE to you all. If you have something important to share, feel free to email me at laurennicolelove[at]gmail.com. If you need to share your current struggle with someone, please reach out to a woman in your church (or any church in your community – sometimes anonymous is very helpful) to ask to meet her in person. I am trying very hard to set healthy boundaries for myself and protect my time with my husband, so I am unable to answer emails on this topic right now. Thank you so much for understanding. <3 – lauren xoxo.
What a great idea Lauren. I think doing a video series on this will be such a help to girls/women all over. Seeing you talk them through what they need to hear rather than just reading it, I think, will make your points hit home. Looking forward to hearing what you have to say!
I'm going through this right now, and I'm so glad that you're talking about it. I really really need someone to be talking about it. I read some articles on the Good Women Project site a couple of months ago, but I never thought I would deal with this in MY relationship. Thanks for the help in becoming a woman who exemplifies grace. That's the goal right now.
last Fall (over a year ago), pornography shook my 5-year relationship to its core. i'm amazed by all the women who have said "i was considering marriage with this man…" before pornography and it's implications came to the surface. because i can relate. i look forward to this series! if anything, i hope this will help me in the healing/learning process. thanks for doing this, lauren!
Love. Love. Love. Love.
Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone. I am so looking forward to hearing what you, these books, and other women have to say on the topic. <3
Can't wait for this. Thank you so much
It is amazing how much we have been raised to use negative reinforcement. Our grandparents used negative reinforcement at times to raise our parents and they in turned used it to help us grow. For normal healthy people, negative reinforcement can help when we just don't get it.
But with an addiction, the brain of the addicted has been rewired. It interprets many different negative stimulus as a threat to survival. And it sees the addiction as the ultimate survival tool; a constant standby to any troubles that come up in life.
The addicted person often does not respond well to negative reinforcement. Try to avoid it.
I have a little web site about the topic. You can find it here:
http://rampout.com/bonus-session-for-the-non-addicted-supporter/
Hey Lauren,
Thank you so much for making this series and for the truths you are writing and saying on your blog. This just recently became an issue for me and I had no idea what to do or where to begin. Thank you SO FREAKIN MUCH for making it be geared toward women who are still dating! Everything that I have been able to find has been for wives and their husbands….something totally different than my situation now. Anyways, thank you again for this, I’m finding it really really helpful (especially the PDFs you are posting!). I cannot wait for your next video.
Keep up the good work!